I am thankful for time to rest.
Sometimes I wish there was a pill…
or a drink…
or something I could smoke…
to just make it go away.
I know that’s not the right answer though…
But what exactly is?
How connected are the spiritual and the physical?
Should prayer fix everything?
The need…the want for an immediate fix
is that even possible with this kind of problem?
I wish I understood it all better.
I wish I understood a lot of things better…
but I need to be getting things done.
Maybe writing, a temporary fix, is necessary to get anything done sometimes.
It’ll just make things worse, right?
Interesting, isn’t it?
We want more control over circumstances,
irritated, anxious, depressed where we are…
So what do we do?
We completely surrender control of our bodies to substances we, most likely, don’t understand the consequences of.
A year ago today I made a decision that flipped my life upside down..
A year ago today I decided to tell my best friend that I’m attracted to women.
I had no idea how she would react. I had no idea if it would make a difference a all. I hoped it wouldn’t.. but in todays culture there is such a huge pressure for those who live outside of the “norm” when it comes to sexual orientation.
Long story short, all did not end well.
Of all the ways for her to react, I could never had foreseen her being so upset that I had hidden this from her that she decided to leave.
She walked away.
Today I’m facing the challenge of having to deal with many consequences of many of my actions from long ago as well as in the last day. The hard thing about life is that it never stops. There are always opportunities to make a choice and we don’t always know what’s going to happen. Sometimes knowing doesn’t change anything anyway.
But God has a plan that is so much greater than ours and the way He has used this sad event in my life has been amazing.
I’m still hurt. But I’m still healing.
He will always love me more.
It’s ok to not be ok.
But as Christians we can not be without hope.
We are not without hope.
“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.”
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.”
“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
Sometimes I wonder if I’ll have gay children.
I’m not sure if other parents think about this, but I do; quite often.
Maybe it’s because I have many gay people in my family and circle of friends. It’s in my genes and in my tribe.
Maybe it’s because, as a pastor of students, I’ve seen and heard the horror stories of gay Christian kids, from both inside and outside of the closet, trying to be part of the Church.
Maybe it’s because, as a Christian, I interact with so many people who find homosexuality to be the most repulsive thing imaginable, and who make that abundantly clear at every conceivable opportunity.
For whatever reason, it’s something that I ponder frequently. As a pastor and a parent, I wanted to make some promises to you, and to my two kids right now…
1) If I have gay children, you’ll all know it.
My children won’t…
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2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.