Ugh

😭😭😭😭

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Why do i still feel broken?

I had a dream you told me you were in love with her…

Not anything i didnt already know

But the brokenness still bled through to the morning…

You hesitated, you knew it would hurt me

You felt bad, you asked if it was wrong of you

So many questions i know ill never have answered

They haunt me when im awake as you do while i sleep

Shes been there too..

Shes nice, of course, which makes it even harder

I miss you but i dont know why

Why cant i just not care anymore?

Why cant i move on with someone else?

Why do i still feel broken?

The memories flash through my mind.

Orange. Green. Red.

Each heavy on my back as I retrace the steps we once walked, now without you.

Orange.

Like the pumpkins we carved and the bread that we made.

Green.

Like the casserole you made for me in that candle lit, cloth covered room I once called home.

But it was never my place to call home,

Just a safe space I lost when you were gone.

Red.

Like the wine that we drank and the tears that I shed,

Though not red, came from a bleeding heart

Crimson like the blood that poured from your wounds not long before

God slowly closed every door

And now im lost in this space

I can feel its grip on my lungs as i try to run

But i slowly fade into the darkness

Orange, green, and red remain.

They bleed from the walls

It is their grip on my lungs that brings me to a still space

Though not quiet

The voices get louder as the colors get darker and deeper still